Well,
I can honestly say this about my workplace:
my co-workers are very, very trustworthy, at least when it comes to coffee
mugs!
I’ve just started my second year at
my latest work-site. Somehow I have developed
this irritating habit of leaving my coffee mug on the water fountain down the
hallway. Here’s how it happens. The fountain, which puts out deliciously
chilled and refreshing water (after supposedly running through a filtration
system), is down the hallway and through two security doors, situated right
next to the men’s and women’s restrooms on one side of the building. These facilities are shared by about a third
of the entire department, maybe a couple hundred folks tops. To multitask and save time – I’m such a
dedicated employee! - I always bring my empty mug over to the fountain, set it
down, use the facilities as necessary, then exit to refill my mug before
heading back to my cubicle, all set for the next couple of hours. Unfortunately, nine times out of ten, I use
the restroom and then forget all about my empty mug on that water fountain and
head back to my desk, where I, inevitably, am just about to resume my work when
I remember I’ve forgotten my mug again! I
end up trudging back over to the fountain and refilling the mug before heading
on back. And I keep doing that, kind of
irritating.
Before I make the connection between
my coffee mug and the trustworthiness of my co-workers, allow me to describe my
coffee mug. Coffee KEG is a more fitting
title for it. When I began working in
the building I realized I didn’t want the distraction of having to get up time
and time again to refill a small coffee cup with water, but I did want to stay well-hydrated,
good health and all you know. I first
tried a regular mug – too small, too many trips. I tried re-using empty plastic water bottles
– not much bigger, plus I read about the harmful germs and chemicals that one
consumes as plastic bottles are re-used and the plastic starts decomposing –
gross. So instead I decided to purchase
a new coffee mug, but not just ANY coffee mug, no sir. New job and all, I felt I deserved to go all
out and find one to completely meet my needs, the granddaddy of all mugs, one
that was insulated and suited for keeping cold drinks cold and hot drinks hot,
one with a lid, in case a felt like I needed a lid (plus, I spill a lot) and,
most importantly, one that was big enough to hold enough liquid to quench the
thirst of a hard-working, hard-playing, thirsty guy, or at least Me.
My search was futile at first, taking me to
five different stores, no luck. I just
couldn’t find the right mug. They either
were too small, WAY too big, too colorful, too boring, to cutesy with printed
sayings, no lid, cheap lid, cheap plastic, or made of ugly, industrialized metal. And, then, I found BUBBA!
(OMG! I just did exactly what I wrote about
above. I stopped writing for a minute to
visit the restroom and refill my mug; I set my empty mug on that same water
fountain, used the men’s facility, and promptly FORGOT MY MUG there! I walked back to my cube, took a seat, and realized
I had done the same thing again. I trekked
back, refilled the mug, returned to my cube.
WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT?! Are
there any sofa-psychoanalysts out there who would care to give me a clue???)
BUBBA!
Found him at a sporting goods store, camping equipment section:
BUBBA! His name was printed right on the
mug itself. BUBBA, the middle section
made of molded brushed-silver metal, the lower and upper portions composed of some
dark-grey polycarbonate synthetic (I think) which also melded smoothly to form
the dark, cool interior. I just knew
that scientific, high-tech material would keep cold drinks cold and hot drinks
hot, and it came with an ever-loving matching screw-on lid complete with
drink-flap lever to open and close at my heart’s content. BUBBA was BIG, too, 48 fluid ounces big, built
solidly, like a coffee mug should be, able to take the constant lifting and
drinking and refilling, and stout enough to remain firmly perched on my desktop. With wonder, I picked up BUBBA and held him in
my hands – perfect fit, perfect feel. It
was pure karma that I found him, because this was the last BUBBA on the shelf,
there were no others like him, he was just waiting for me to find him. Fit for a Norse God’s succulent, refreshing, cool
ale or a Mountain Man’s strong, bittersweet, lip-scorching cowboy coffee, and
now it was going to be mine. But, truly,
the best thing of all: BUBBA WAS ON
SALE!!!!! A match made in heaven, well,
actually a match made in a Big 5 Sporting Goods, but you get my blissful drift,
right?
So imagine, the day I’m about to leave for
a week-long vacation, the mid-Friday afternoon right after I’ve completed all
of my work assignments, put my work-space in order, and ready to step out of
that building to freedom, ever-loving sweet-Jesus-in-heaven, nirvana-filled
vacation – I DID IT AGAIN! Two final
tasks before I departed in pure ecstasy: use the restroom before the drive home and
clean out Bubba for storage in my cubicle overhead bin, to be clean, fresh and
ready for use when I returned. And, for
whatever reason, perhaps in my rapturous, time-off-from-work state of mind, I
LEFT BUBBA on the water fountain again!
And, this time, I completely forgot, and
went on off on my vacation, with nary a second thought for my poor BUBBA. An entire week away.
So, one week later, recharged but dragging
with emotionally draining thoughts of the end of my vacation, I returned to
work. Back at my cubicle, arriving early
to pick up a week’s worth of voice-mail messages, I set my work bag down and
turned on my computer. While it booted
up, I opened my overhead storage bin and reached for BUBBA, some hot tea would
be good. My heart stopped: BUBBA was gone! Oh no, I came to the instant realization, I
had forgotten BUBBA at the water fountain again! A week ago!
I sat down in a moment of shock, my rubbery
legs unable to support me. I took a
moment to calm myself, a deep breath, another.
Okay, I thought positively, I’m sure BUBBA’s okay, I had forgotten him
there so many other times before – HE WOULD BE OKAY! But deep in my heart I trembled, I dared
think the unthinkable: BUBBA could be
gone forever! I had never forgotten
BUBBA on the water fountain for more than one night, always returning the next
day to surprisingly find him safe, sound and untouched, exactly where I had
forgotten him the prior work day. BUT
NEVER FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK! My heart began
to race again as doubts about finding BUBBA bubbled to the surface of my brain. Where was BUBBA?!?!
BUBBA could be anywhere! Snatched up by another employee who, having
seen BUBBA sitting there for days, may have considered him up for grabs, like
when people leave ratty Barcaloungers and ripped love seats out on the sidewalk,
handwritten “FREE” signs grossly taped on them, hoping some desperate homeowner
needed just that exact piece of used furniture to complete their own home décor
motif, rescuing that piece just one step away from ending its used-up life as
human rubbish. I was certain someone had
grabbed BUBBA! Who wouldn’t want
him?! He could be someone else’s trusty
mug right that minute, off on safari in Africa, maybe a walkabout in the
Australian Outback, climbing along on a life adventure up Mt. Everest! BUBBA could do it all and would handle any
adventure or location his new owner took him.
Is he sailing on a one-person sailboat around the world? Travelling by air balloon to Haiti? BUBBA would do it! Or maybe he was being used to water an urban
garden, from which harvested vegetables would be used to feed a group of
orphans! Maybe right at that moment he was
filled with hot java and handed to a homeless man, becoming his prized
possession as he panhandled and filled BUBBA with spare change from empathetic
strangers! BUBBA was versatile,
hardworking, rugged, charming, and, dare I say it, beautiful. So why not?!?! Oh my gawd, I lamented, where was my BUBBA?
I had to know for certain, I could stand it
no longer, I needed to know if BUBBA was really gone! I grabbed my employee security entrance door
card and headed down the hallway. First
door, through. I would be brave for
BUBBA! And if BUBBA were truly gone, I
thought, I would stay strong for BUBBA!
And I decided right then and there that I would not, could not, replace
him even if the unthinkable had occurred.
I was fraught with guilt. If the
worse-case scenario came to pass it would have been all because of me, my
stupid, feeble-minded forgetfulness, my dishonorable disloyalty to a tried and
true friend. Oh, BUBBA, why oh why had I
forsaken you?! Second door, a moment of
hesitation. Be strong, Phil, be strong. For BUBBA.
I waved my security card, the door light flashed green and I walked
through. Only three steps to the water
fountain, right around that corner there.
Two steps. One more step and I
would know, my world could be forever changed!
I struggled on, took another
step….BUBBA!!!!
BUBBA was there, he was there! No one had claimed him. No one had picked him up. No one had befriended him! My dear old, BUBBA, my coffee keg, was still
waiting for me! I fought back a grateful
tear and touched BUBBA’s handle, gently, tenderly, nay, lovingly. I’m so sorry BUBBA! But we were together again. I passed a long, deep sigh of relief.
Just at that moment, one of my co-workers
exited the women’s restroom. She looked at me and smiled. She saw me with BUBBA, my BUBBA.
“Hi, Phil,” she greeted me warmly. “You know I saw your coffee cup sitting there
for so long I thought maybe you had moved to another job or something. I wondered if you would come back for your
cup, it is such a nice one.”
I just smiled at her for a moment. If she only knew how nice.
“Naw,” I replied. “I was just on vacation. But I’m glad to be back and glad my mug was
still here. Thank you, co-workers! The people I work with are so trustworthy!”
“Yeah,” she said. “Plus I doubt anyone would want somebody
else’s used mug anyway. Have a great
day.”
Oh, I would have a great day, my
work-friend, maybe the greatest day of my life.
For my life was once again whole, once again complete. And I would stay hydrated!
I dreamily used the men’s room, washed my
hands and returned to my cubicle. I sat
with a contented sigh of one-part happiness, one-part relief, and one-part
love.
DAMMIT!!!!!
I forgot BUBBA at the water faucet again! What the heck?!?!
